Unhealthy Relationships

It is a myth that GLBTT* people do not have unhealthy relationships. We are at least as likely as other people to be involved in unhealthy, violent relationships. Homophobia, transphobia, and heterosexism may weaken our self-esteem, making us more vulnerable to violence. Even people who are emotionally and/or physically strong may find themselves in a violent or abusive relationship. No one is immune to an unhealthy relationship. But we can learn to recognize the signs and act in ways that protect our safety and well being.

There are different forms of relationship violence, including emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuse, as well as threats, isolation, and stalking. Physical and sexual abuse may be the easiest to identify since we can visibly see and feel the impact, but any form of violence is harmful and should be taken seriously. Either you are safe and respected or you are not.

We are more likely to encounter abuse/violence from someone we know than from a stranger. One of the reasons for this may be that we tolerate things from a partner or loved one that we would not tolerate from a stranger. Another reason may be that we get confused by the fact that a lot of love and attraction can exist in the presence of abuse and violence. The way cycles of violence work is that outbursts are usually followed by apologies, remorse, promises, and even affection. After this period, tension slowly builds again until there is another outburst, and the whole cycle repeats. It is not easy to break out of an abusive cycle, but there are many places you can turn to for help.

Unfortunately, there are still biases among service providers about what kinds of people are more likely to be abused. If you suspect that you are involved in an abusive relationship and your concerns aren’t being taken seriously, get a second (or third) opinion. Trust your gut; don’t wait until things escalate to a point where you can no longer safely get help.